An Exercise in Accounting: About as boring, yet informative, as the title.

A couple of months ago, my Dad visited me in Pittsburgh to spend some one-on-one time talking about “job stuff”: what I was looking for, companies I might be interested in, contacts and resources that I have collected over the past four years. Truthfully, the weekend was not so successful in this regard because we were searching the Internet (Google) before I really started to get in touch with me Innernet. Nevertheless, as one of what seemed like a thousand unanswerable questions, my dad asked me how much money I thought I would like to make next year.

This is a really loaded question.

My first reaction was, I’ll admit, one of disgust. I was upset that he was asking me about money when I felt that this was really the last item on my list of priorities. I want a purpose, a reason to get up in the morning, and to be a part of something that is larger than myself, my company, and my financial needs. I felt like he was missing the point. I didn’t see how money factored into the equation at all, because, the way I saw it, I would make it work! Maybe it would even be fun for a little while… to be forced to be creative and resourceful. So what If I have to live off oatmeal? That builds character, right?

But I couldn’t shake this notion that perhaps I was being slightly Romantic, and perhaps elitist? After all, a Carnegie Mellon education costs a small fortune. Was I selling myself short in my willingness to live so minimally? Maybe I don’t feel compelled to compete with my friends who will earn upwards of $80k in their first year of work as a Chemical Engineer, but livin' isn't exactly $Free.99. Do I have to resign myself to a low salary in order to do the kind of hands-on, small project, start-up work that I want to do?

While I am not aiming for the status or security that comes with a large salary, it is naïve of me to think that I could (or should) live paycheck to paycheck. I decided to actually try to answer the question: How much money would I like to make in my first year of work? As in, how much money does it cost to LIVE? I didn’t want this number to just come from out of the blue – plucked from the list of average starting salaries for engineering majors graduating from Carnegie Mellon, or an amount similar to what my friends would be earning next year doing more traditional engineering work. For now, all I would like is to be self-sufficient. So this is how I broke it down:

Housing. It seems to me that housing is by and large the most expensive part of living. It’s also probably one of the factors that vary the most depending on where one decides to live after graduation. Over the past couple of years, I’ve realized that environment matters to me. Ask my Mom and she’ll tell you that the happiest she’s ever seen me was during my time in Montana, where I could run and bike and ski and go for a hike whenever I wanted… where I found peace connecting with myself in nature.

So, here’s my thinking: I don’t want to live in New York City (my hometown, if you can call NYC a hometown). I don’t feel compelled to stay in Pittsburgh, and at this point, my gut tells me that if I don’t end up moving to some country in South America, I’ll probably move to some place in or near the mountains. In Pittsburgh, I live with four roommates and my portion of the rent is $450 per month, plus utilities. In Montana, my rent was $367 per month. But to be on the safe side, let’s say I end up living in an outdoorsy city (Portland, OR?), so maybe rent costs $800 per month (utilities included).

Food. I will be the first to admit that I love food, and farmer’s markets, and cooking, and having people over for dinner. But as a student, I don’t have the time to have as much fun in the kitchen as I might like, and so I keep it pretty basic. When the farmer’s markets are in season, I’ll buy produce from Jeff (my favorite farmer) every Wednesday outside of Phipps Conservatory, but in general, I shop at Giant Eagle and Trader Joe’s. This is a typical shopping list: granola, yogurt, oatmeal (once every couple months), apples, bananas, eggs, soymilk, quinoa (in bulk from the Co-op), lots of greens, squash, sweet potatoes, chocolate covered something (raisins, pretzels), and maybe a couple other things that look interesting. I probably spend a little over $100 per month on food. But hopefully in the future I’ll have more dinner parties, and maybe I’ll drink some wine, so let’s budget for $200.

Clothing. I really hate shopping, and I am not the biggest fan of the American consumer culture that we’ve gotten so accustomed to. I buy clothes when I am home in New York over winter or summer break when there are things that I really need. I’m learning (from my mom, who is a pro) to make economical purchases – to invest in a few great things that I will have for years, rather than to buy cheap stuff that won’t last. I don’t even know how to budget for clothing, because I really think that depending on where I’m working, I could go all year without buying a single thing. But, let’s say I need to buy a pair of heals (god forbid) or some nice dress pants or a blazer or a handbag. I will allocate $100 per month.

Toiletries. As someone who thinks showers are often over-rated, this is an expense that I originally overlooked. But have no fear, my Mom reminded me that I do need to wash my clothes, and I do still need to buy toilet paper. And I’ll need soap, shampoo, razors, deodorant, tampons, toothpaste, and maybe a new toothbrush every once in a while. What sounds reasonable for personal hygiene? Let’s say $100 per month.

Transportation. The idea of owning a car is very scary to me, on several levels. But if we disregard the fact that I have only been a licensed driver for five months (thank you very much!) I just don’t really see myself as a car person. But what if I live in the boonies? I’ll need a car! Having grown up in NYC, I am quite fond of public transportation, although I will admit that the inconsistency of the Pittsburgh bus system has inspired a romance between my bicycle and I that is infinitely more personal and reliable. All this just goes to say that I have no idea how much I will need to spend on transportation. Will I need to buy a car and pay for gas? Will I need to buy an unlimited ticket for public transportation? Will I only need to buy spare tubes for my tires? Again, I’ll be conservative and assume the worst: $200 per month.

Travel. This is another expense that almost slipped my mind, until I remembered that I would like to be able to visit my family and friends, wherever they and I might be. Granted, if I’m on another continent it won’t be so feasible for me to just go visit a friend one weekend. But if I am in the states, it is worth it to me to spend some money on airfare or a train ticket to go visit the people I love. How often I visit depends on where I relocate, but hopefully I see my peoples at least a couple times a year! I don’t know how to budget for this because I have no clue where I’ll be, but let’s just say $75 per month.

Entertainment. This category would include going out for dinner and/or drinks with friends, occasional live music, movies, etc. Does $200 per month sound reasonable?

Phone. This is the final straw. If I want to be completely self-sufficient, I will have to pay my own phone bill. Skype will prove to be a life (read: money) saver if I live outside the U.S., so I think it’s safe to assume that all calls will be domestic - $50 per month.

Wellbeing. I made this category because I have learned that in order for me to be a productive person out there in the world, and to make meaningful contributions, I need to take care of myself. This part of the budget includes all purchases that serve my physical, mental, and emotional wellbeing: Yoga classes, running sneakers, books, and music, for example. Yes, I could choose to limit myself, buy yoga videos on DVD and practice in my living room. But for me, part of what makes Yoga so special is the community, and the energy in the room that radiates from all of the other people who I don’t know a thing about, but to whom I feel connected. I would say that yoga also counts as my healthcare, but my guess is that I’ll probably (hopefully) be insured. Some things, I think, are worth the extra money: $200 per month.

Monthly Expenses:

Housing: $800

Food: $200

Clothing: $100

Toiletries: $100

Transportation: $200

Travel: $75

Entertainment: $200

Phone: $50

Wellbeing: $200

Monthly Total: $1925

Annual Total: $23,100

Salary: $25,000

This number looks really low, but it’s pretty amazing all that it can buy. I’m not saying that, if asked in an interview how much I would like to earn, I would say $30,000, but it’s helpful to know that if this is all I made – or if I earned less – I would be A-okay.

Pesto on my Fried Egg Sandwich?

I like to think of myself as an eggspert. No, seriously, I really love eggs – scrambled, over-easy, poached, soft-boiled – and I think I’m pretty adventurous when it comes to cooking eggs. I know most people stick with the traditional cheese (I’m lactose intolerant so I don’t typically do this) and tomato… maybe you throw a little onion in, or some peppers and mushrooms. But as a college student who makes it to the grocery store once every two weeks, I’ve learned to eggsperiment (haha, I know I’m so cheeeeesy).

The other day, I was making scrambled eggs for dinner, and as I scanned the shelves of my refrigerator, I realized I didn’t have any traditional egg add-ins. But I had pesto, and I decided to give it a shot because, heck, what’s the worst that could happen? Well anyway, I was slightly nervous because my roommate was also in the kitchen cooking pasta as I was cooking my eggs, and I noticed her eyeing my creation rather skeptically. And so I almost felt like I had something to prove. Like, “I know this looks weird (I had whisked the pesto into the eggs) but I’m really hoping it’s going to be great so please refrain from making any remarks just yet.”

Well, it was amazing!! And I was so excited by my successful attempt at an unconventional creation (can you see where I’m headed with this?) that I started to eggsperiment even more! Today I put tomato sauce on my fried egg sandwich (delish) and all of a sudden I have all these ideas for foods I can start adding to my eggs. Why didn’t I think of them sooner? And why was it only after I was willing to try something different was I exposed to an entirely different, potentially superior, world of eggs? Well then I realized, as I was flipping my eggs with my egg spatula, that thinking outside the carton (box) transcends the kitchen – it applies to my job search!

This morning, as I was (not) studying for my Spanish final, I came across a website called Matador Network – the world’s largest independent travel magazine. After getting lost in some really incredible essays on this website, I stumbled upon an article featuring Sean Aiken, a guy who took one year after graduating from college to find his passion by working 52 different jobs in 52 weeks. I was really blown away by this, and I think what inspired me the most was that he came up with an idea that worked for him.

This is a guy who was not afraid to put pesto on his egg sandwich, even as people watched skeptically. He didn’t know what he wanted to do with his life, and so instead of sticking with the traditional cheese and tomato (9-5 desk job), he broke the mold. And I think that is totally awesome.

Running Into Myself: Engineer Meets Soul

You know that feeling that you get when you’re talking about something that you really care about? When you’re energy level shoots to 10, and you can feel your cheeks tighten from smiling so much? When the person you are talking to is getting excited just because of how excited you are? In those moments, the words seem to flow organically. I don’t have to think so hard about what I’m saying. I’m not worried about how I am perceived, or whether I’m right or wrong – I am connected to myself. I had one of those experiences this week, and I think I have a hunch as to why it happened.

The other day, I was running in Frick Park, and the snow-covered trails reminded me of Montana. As a small speck amidst the vastness of the mountains, you can’t help but surrender, and have faith in the journey. Away from the frenetic pace of the city, the quiet, calmness of my natural surroundings allowed me to search "my innernet": to hear the totality of my inner voice, to acknowledge my feelings and reflect on what is important to me. It’s funny how sometimes, when you stop thinking and start feeling, when you stop doing and start listening, when you stop worrying and start trusting, when you turn inward for guidance instead of outward… the answers just sort of come to you.

So this week, when I was in Farouk’s office, I just started talking and I felt myself getting excited. I had been grappling with this question of how I might be able to do the things I love to do while working for a cause I believe in. And I realized that once I stopped thinking about what people might expect of me, or what I may expect from myself as a means of conforming to those societal expectations, I began to realize that I really do know what I love to do, and what I care about.

I love working at the intersection between sustainable technology, and community need – figuring out how to implement development projects that are culturally sensitive, and appropriate for the community. I heard the following story at an EWB conference, and I think it illustrates this idea perfectly…

One of the very first projects that an EWB chapter worked on after the organization was established involved a water distribution system in an African village. The motivation behind the project was that the women spent hours each day walking to fetch water from a source several miles away, which prevented them from doing other things in the village that might allow them to generate an income for their families. So the project team brought the water to the people so that women need only walk to a village tap a short distance from their homes in order to get water. A year later when the team returned to evaluate the success of the project, they found a rusted tap that the women had broken intentionally. They learned that, although the water was more accessible, the women missed the time they spent together walking to collect water for their families. It was the one time during the day when they could escape from their husbands and children, and talk about girl things.

I want to develop relationships with people and families. I want to ensure that the projects we are implementing are environmentally, economically, and socially sustainable, and that they are designed in partnership with the community. I’ve come to realize that the most effective, sustainable change will come from the men and women of the community, and not from a foreigner. And so I think the best thing I can do is to help lift people (who spend their days worrying about whether they will have enough food and water to survive the night, and do not have the freedom to think about the future) up onto the first rung of the ladder out of poverty, so that they can begin climbing on their own. At the Clinton Global Initiative University conference that I went to in Austin, Texas, Bill Clinton phrased it beautifully: We want to work ourselves out of a job. Yep, that’s what I want to do.

So… what does this kind of community development look like? What skills will I need to develop in order to play this role? What resources will be useful to me? Hopefully, if I continue to listen, and trust, and be – if I actively practice running into myself throughout my life as I grow and change and learn – I will stumble upon opportunities that will allow me to “collect” these skills and resources.

To FE, or not to FE?

As brief introduction, I wrote this post about a week ago, and I never posted it because I wasn’t sure if I felt it would be useful to people who aren’t civil engineers. But I think I’m also stuck on a larger issue: If I’m not sure what I want to do, is it a good idea to pursue a certain path “just in case?” Let me know what you think…

Here is my conundrum: Should I, or should I not take the Fundamentals of Engineering (F.E.) Exam this April? And more importantly, is it critical that I become a Professional Engineer?

In the field of Civil Engineering, one must be a registered Professional Engineer (P.E.) in order to stamp the requisite seal of approval on any and all design specification documents. And, there is no denying that – as in any professional title – being able to add “P.E.” after your name indicates to the world your credibility in the field. Indeed, those two capitalized letters scream, “I know my sh*t.”

To become a Professional Engineer, one must first take and pass the F.E. Exam (8, yes EIGHT, hours long), at which point he or she is considered an Engineer in Training. The EIT must then work under a Professional Engineer for 5 years before taking the Professional Engineering Exam, and registering as a PE in their U.S. state(s) of employment.

So, I’m wondering if it would be beneficial for me to become a Professional Engineer. Is this a useful credential to have even if I plan to work predominantly outside of the US? Is it worth it for me to pursue a conventional career at an engineering firm for 5 years so to gain the credibility that might be necessary to have a real impact in the field of sustainable development later on in my life? Am I willing to sacrifice my desire to work on projects I really care about – in a less structured setting – during a time in my life when I am not tied down by financial responsibilities?

And, dare I ask: what if I don’t know what I want to do now, let alone in the future? What if I'm not sure I want to be an engineer?

Searching the Innernet

I think I realized why all of my googling for jobs has been largely unsuccessful. What I’m looking for may very well be out there (and it might not) but the point is that, for the time being, I’m looking in the wrong places.

Today I met with Farouk, the Director of the Career Center, to discuss my personal quest to figure out what to do after I graduate. (I don’t really have a name for this search… any ideas? I don’t want to call it a job search because that title seems too rigidly defined). Anyway, I was anticipating the typical routine of sorting through opportunities to apply for, and instead I was greeted with something totally different…

After inquiring about my life story, why I decided to come to Carnegie Mellon (a question I love to answer because there are very distinct reasons why this university appealed to me), and how I came to major in engineering, Farouk posed the following question: “What gets you exited? What do you LOVE to do?”

While this appears to be a very simple question, it was really difficult for me to answer (which made me sort of sad). Interestingly enough, the first thing that popped into my head was yoga. (I actually said out loud that I love yoga). I think this response was natural partially because practicing yoga helps me to feel grounded at a time in my life when I’m so busy doing, rather than being. But more than that, I love the physical and spiritual journey of the practice, and the fact that I can feel so rejuvenated and recharged and refreshed when I roll up my mat at the end of class. In retrospect, I’m not actually sure if this response even answers the question, but it was honest, and it was a reflection of me.

So then I said that I love leading our chapter of Engineers Without Borders, and developing the identity of such a young organization (our chapter was founded during my freshman year). And then from there, I felt myself becoming more and more vague and abstract: I rambled on about how I really enjoy brainstorming and generating ideas, and how I love making connections between people and thoughts and organizations. (As a side note, I also have this fantasy of opening up my own breakfast restaurant called Da me un panqueque in which diners would eat at communal tables, and pick from our garden fruit for their pancakes and vegetables for their eggs.)

So then Farouk asked me: “What things about the world, or society, would you like to change? What angers you?” I think my answer to this question would have been different if we had had this conversation on any other day, but I had just read this NY Times column by Thomas Friedman and so I said that I was angered by the lack of collaboration (and tendency toward competition) in America, and also by the fact that so many people seem to approach problem-solving from a place of limitation and constraint, rather than from a place of possibility. I could describe more precisely what I meant by this, but that isn’t really the point. I could have talked about any number of things: water insecurity and the fact that nearly one out of every seven people on this planet lack reliable access to clean drinking water; the agricultural crisis in America that has made corn an ingredient in almost three-quarters of all products found in the supermarket and has linked poverty with obesity; the fact that our education system is crushing creativity by measuring students against a standard of what we think will produce bright leaders of the future…. You get the idea.

And then, here’s the big one: “How can you channel those things that you love and that excite you, to change something that angers you?” I was so taken-aback by this question – because it articulated perfectly what I’ve subconsciously been aiming for in my job search (for lack of a better name) – that I just sat there and smiled. So Farouk rephrased: “What role do you want to play in the world?” Not what job do you want to have, but what role do you want to play? I confessed that I was stuck in the status quo of traditional job titles, and so he removed those constraints and asked, “If you were a member of a tribe, a million years ago, what role would you play in that society?” I still did not have an answer to this question, but I couldn’t be upset about this because I felt that I had finally come upon the right question to be asking in this process!!

Brad said it really well in the comment he made to my last post, and my friend Anna said it again: we are searching for the WHAT (what we love to do, what excites us) and the WHY (the cause that we are fighting for, the change we want to see in the world). We want to love not only the kind of work we are doing, but also the reason that we are doing it.

I left the meeting with the feeling that I had made huge progress. No, I did not come away with more things to apply for, or even with a sense that I knew what I wanted to do with my life. But I realized that before searching externally, I would need to search internally. Planning the next chapter of life after college is a personal journey – and the best place to start looking is within.